The Green Boot: Feds crush small business "for the environment"

In case you were worried about small businesses being able to continue their villainous plots of employing local workers, never fear: the Federal Government once again has the solution: Just shut them down.

U.S. Interior Secretary Ken Salazar told a popular oyster farm at Drakes Bay on Thursday to pack up and leave, effectively ending more than a century of shellfish harvesting on the picturesque inlet where Europeans first set foot in California.

Naturally, the small business being crushed under the Fed's bootheel won't affect anything. I mean, it only employed 30 measly people. Not like they produced 40% of the oysters harvested in California or anything.

The government is able to do this thanks to the fact that the business is operated out of land owned by the National Park Service. The reason that the land is owned by the Federal Government is that it was sold to them in the 1970s to protect the local businesses from developers, with the understanding that they would have their 40 year leases renewed in perpetuity.

Not pictured: The irony of selling your land to the Feds to protect your business, only to have them confiscate it at the first opportunity.

Secretary Salazar wishes to keep the land of this are in its pristine, unemployment producing state. Obviously, increasing poverty in any area is the fastest way to improve its environment. "Conservationists" in the area are, of course, overjoyed.

"A heartfelt salute to Secretary Salazar for his wisdom and statesmanship in choosing long-term public good over short-term private interests," said Sylvia Earle, a local environmentalist and the former chief scientist at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. "Protecting Drakes Estero, America's only West Coast marine wilderness park, will restore health and hope for the ocean and for the interests of all of the people of this country."

Sylvia was oddly silent on the fact that the way the decision was handed down will require Lunny to ruthlessly slaughter the 5-10 million juvenile oysters growing to adulthood.

Before we judge the government too harshly, though, let's take a step back. At the end of the day, it's very important to note that the government was able to look past the money side of this: all the lost taxes, revenues, jobs, and really cut to the heart of the matter. They objectively looked at the science of the matter at hand, carefully examined the data, then twisted the data any damned way they pleased to fit their preconceived notions.

...a panel of scientists concluded that National Park Service officials made errors, selectively presented information and misrepresented facts in a series of reports about his Drakes Bay shellfish operation.

The findings mark the second time in a year that the Park Service has been put under a spotlight for essentially fudging data in its attempts to show that the Drakes Bay Oyster Co. harmed the environment.

While the report did not specifically accuse anyone of misconduct, it raised serious questions about governmental misuse of scientific data.

The Park Service said the number of harbor seals declined from 250 to 50 in the area Lunny developed. Park Service officials also claimed the oyster farm could hasten the spread of destructive nonnative species that hitchhike on the oyster shells. The voluminous waste produced by oysters, they said, increased sedimentation in the estuary.

Goodman used Park Service records to refute much of the disputed data, including evidence that the amount of eelgrass in the bay doubled between 1991 and 2001, and that the number of harbor seal pups increased overall in the bay while oyster harvesting was under way.

The Federal Government: Deliberately publishing falsehoods in order to crush small businesses and ensure that the environment is pristine for our future, poverty stricken generations.

So you lost the election: Now what?

Darth Obama secured a second term last night, ensuring the entire world will be cloaked in darkness. The next four years hold nothing but plagues of locusts and famine riots. Before next year is out your dollar will be worthless and the only currency will be lead pills shot at very high rates of speed. This all thanks to the unwashed, uninformed masses who don't understand what they just did.

But take heart, my fellow conservatives! As dire as these predictions are, there is the tiniest, most miniscule fraction of a possibility that this isn't true. Maybe, just maybe, the other half of America isn't full of hopelessly clueless morons. So before you go on Facebook and cry out to the world that all hope for America is lost, remember these things:

1. You know who else is melodramatic? Teenage girls. Resist the urge, friends. We lost. That does not necessarily mean America is doomed. It just means we've had a setback. We survived Lincoln, FDR, and Carter; perhaps we can get through this too. I'm not saying Obama is a good thing (Anybody else remember when he kicked in the door of GM, took the place over, and fired the CEO? Anybody? Guess it's not a big deal). Obama is very, very bad. But, it's not an instant death sentence.
2. Legislation originates in Congress. We still hold the majority in the House, though it looks like the lead is lessened. We don't control the Senate, but then again we didn't before, and we still have enough to filibuster the hell out of some stuff if we like. Better still, the House is the side that controls the purse, so there's the chance we can stop some of this massive bleeding.
3. Enough rope to hang. It is much harder to sell that liberal policies just need more time after 8 years of dominant power than it is after just 4. Sure, they'll still be crying the refrain "Huge government interference would've worked too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!" in four years, but the numbers will speak for themselves
4. It's not them, it's us. The reason we lost this election on practically every front is not because voters are stupid. It isn't because of the masses on welfare, or because people are greedy and lazy...well, at least it isn't simply because of that (/sarc). The reason we lost is that the majority of Americans didn't want what we were selling.

Number four is the most important point to remember. It isn't that they wanted something different than we do. In the end, I think the vast majority of Americans want the same thing: Some freedom, a job, a house, some cash, and the ability to spend it how they like. The problem is they didn't see our solutions as addressing those problems.

We fix this by figuring what attracted them to the other side, then demonstrating concisely why our side does the same thing, just better. The other side offered healthcare, they offered cleaner air, they offered a safety net from the government and more jobs. How we counter that is by showing that you get all those same things, better, cheaper, and more efficiently if you don't turn to the government.

You want healthcare? Grow the economy. You want cleaner air? Grow the economy. You want a smaller tax burden, a bigger TV, and less poverty? Grow the economy! Economic growth is the fastest engine to get to wherever you want to go. Get that message into the hearts and minds of those around you, and perhaps things get better.

Friends don't let friends vote uninformed

You can see it in the eyes of the people you pass on the street, frantically darting to and fro searching headlines for substance and meaning. You can hear it in the screaming of various pundits and sense it in the glares Bob is giving Ted over the cubicle walls. Voting season is upon us.

Actually, it's right on top of us, since we vote tomorrow. But what is a voter who put off getting informed to the last minute to do? Tax policy? Social Security? ObamaRomaCare!? It's all too much!

Never fear, my friends, JAC has the answer. I present to you three websites guaranteed to transform you from a non-informed lout to an in-the-know Super Citizen in 20 minutes or less, or your money back! All three are non-profit, non-partisan resources.

First, to find out what's actually on the ballot we go to Vote411.org. This handy website lets you put in your address and will pop out with your polling place and a sample ballot, complete with your candidates for President, Senate, & House, as well as any other issues that have been brought up for you to decide (For example, Virginia has two Constitutional Amendments on the table, one on eminent domain, the other on GA session timing). On the larger races it may even be able to give you stances on each candidate.

Now that you have a quick & dirty look at what you're deciding, and having spent 3 minutes of your 20, it's time you look at the candidates themselves. For this, I recommend either OnTheIssues or Project VoteSmart (I prefer OnTheIssues). This will give you a blow by blow, issue by issue look at almost any candidate you care to investigate. You can go for the full monty and compare every candidate in every race on every issue. Of course, you can always wimp out and grab four or five issues that are important to you (Budget, Economy, Abortion, etc), and compare those. Spend 5 minutes on each race and you've still got 2 minutes to spare in case you get distracted by the LOLcat video your friend sent you while you were doing your civic duty.

Presto! You are now an informed, productive member of our voting system. Congratulations!