Normally I would've posted my legislation on the issues facing the Magic O, but due to a slight miscalculation the website processed my decisions almost immediately. You'll have to trust that I chose accurately. Here's the Reader's Digest version:
Issue #1: Nazi sympathizers propose rally
A) Ban due to hate speech
B) Allow, regardless of content.
I chose A.
Issue #2: Install cameras in public places to reduce crime.
A) Do not allow, invasion of privacy.
B) In public, people can see you! No privacy in public, install cameras.
C) Cameras clearly invade privacy, so let's have our citizens barcoded into a national database!
I chose C. The government can manage your needs that much easier, and crime will stop in it's tracks!
Issue #3: Compulsory organ donation
A) Enforce, the dead don't need organs.
B) My organs, my choice.
I chose A. Lower health care costs for everybody!
So, here's our weekly standings.
The Commonwealth of The Magic O
“YES WE CAN!”
Category: Democratic Socialists
Civil Rights:Some
Economy:Fragile
Political Freedoms:Some
The Commonwealth of The Magic O is a small, safe nation, notable for its burgeoning quacking tree frog population. Its compassionate population of 26 million are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.
The government -- a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, socially-minded morass -- juggles the competing demands of Religion & Spirituality, Healthcare, and the Environment. The average income tax rate is 44%, but much higher for the wealthy. A small private sector is led by the Soda Sales industry, followed by Basket Weaving and Door-to-door Insurance Sales.
The quacking tree frog is a protected species, it is illegal to make racist remarks in public, citizens are barcoded to keep track of their movements, and organ donation is compulsory. Crime is totally unknown. The Magic O's national animal is the quacking tree frog, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the dolla bill.
The Magic O is ranked 1897th in the region and 35,991st in the world for Largest Gambling Industries.
Showing posts with label experiment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label experiment. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
The Magic O Update
Thanks to recent action in our pet nation, The Commonwealth of the Magic O, we now have the following:
Category: Democratic Socialists
Civil Rights:Excellent
Economy:Developing
Political Freedoms:Very Good
The Commonwealth of The Magic O is a tiny, socially progressive nation, notable for its burgeoning quacking tree frog population. Its compassionate, intelligent population of 12 million are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.
The government -- a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, socially-minded morass -- is mainly concerned with Religion & Spirituality, although Education and Social Welfare are secondary priorities. The average income tax rate is 39%, but much higher for the wealthy. A small but healthy private sector is led by the Soda Sales industry, followed by Basket Weaving and Tourism.
The government is seen to favor Catholics, voting is compulsory, and tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests. Crime is relatively low.
Three more issues now confront our intrepid leader:
1. A recent poll has revealed high levels of dissatisfaction among the populace about tax rates.
A) "Do you know how much of my year's work goes to the government?" demanded angry worker Bianca Longfellow. "Too much! Government spending has gotten way out of control. It needs big cuts in welfare, health, and education. But leave those subsidies to business alone. We need them to create jobs."
B) "It's not the AMOUNT of tax, it's where the burden falls," says student activist George W. Wu. "And at the moment, far too much of the burden is falling on the poor. People on high incomes still have more money than people on low incomes. I don't think I need to say anything more than that."
C) "I don't object to the amount of tax, I object to where it's being spent," says social reformer Anne-Marie Shiomi. "I'd like to see everyone have a choice as to where their dolla bills go every time they fill out a tax return. Everyone would feel a lot better about opening their wallets if they had a say as to where the money went. I think you'd see a lot more public money going to education and a lot less to business."
My choice: B, because we have to spread the wealth.
2. In a bid to provide a new revenue stream for The Magic O's Beef-Based Agriculture industry, it has been suggested that quacking tree frogs could be added to the menu.
A) "The fact is, the quacking tree frog population is out of control," says Beef-Based Agriculture spokesperson Bill Christmas. "We have to do something about them anyway, so why not market them as tasty snacks? We could have quacking tree frog kebabs, quacking tree frog pies, quacking tree frog-on-a-sticks--the possibilities are endless! Let's not pass up this golden opportunity to provide a feast, if you will, for our economy."
B)"I agree that something needs to be done about quacking tree frog over-population," says random passer-by Buy Thiesen, "but eating them? That's kind of gross. Let's just shoot the ones we have to and shovel their bodies into ditches like normal."
C)"I am shocked and appalled!" declared SPCA President Samuel du Pont. "If anyone needs to be culled, it's us humans. The quacking tree frogs were here first, remember? We need to take this as a sign to get our industry--agriculture in particular--to back off. The quacking tree frog is part of what makes The Magic O a great nation!"
My choice: C. Gotta save the planet from that evil industry.
3. Last night the respected tabloid TV show "60 Minutes" ran a report on The Magic O's rising divorce rate. What is happening to the nuclear family?
A) "There's a simple solution," says Pastor Felix, of the Catholic Church. "Divorce should be illegal. 'For better or worse,' anyone remember how that goes? We should return to the good old days, when you got married for life and stuck by your partner no matter how much of a drunken, abusive, adulterating disappointment they turned out to be."
B) John Black, author of the hit book, 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Some Whole Other Place,' has a simpler solution. "If couples would just call each other 'darling' once in a while, there would be far fewer relationship breakdowns. A little affection is all it takes. So the government should make it mandatory: call your spouse 'darling' at least once a day, or face a fine."
C) "There's a simple way to boost the marriage rate," says gay rights activist Colin Shiomi. "Abolish those arcane laws that discriminate against same-sex marriages. It's obscene to treat people differently because of their sexual preference. Besides, everyone knows gay relationships are more stable than straight ones."
My choice: B. Obama has come out against gay marriage, and what better way to strengthen marriage but a little bit of government intervention?
Category: Democratic Socialists
Civil Rights:Excellent
Economy:Developing
Political Freedoms:Very Good
The Commonwealth of The Magic O is a tiny, socially progressive nation, notable for its burgeoning quacking tree frog population. Its compassionate, intelligent population of 12 million are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.
The government -- a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, socially-minded morass -- is mainly concerned with Religion & Spirituality, although Education and Social Welfare are secondary priorities. The average income tax rate is 39%, but much higher for the wealthy. A small but healthy private sector is led by the Soda Sales industry, followed by Basket Weaving and Tourism.
The government is seen to favor Catholics, voting is compulsory, and tourists from around the world come to visit the country's famous rainforests. Crime is relatively low.
Three more issues now confront our intrepid leader:
1. A recent poll has revealed high levels of dissatisfaction among the populace about tax rates.
A) "Do you know how much of my year's work goes to the government?" demanded angry worker Bianca Longfellow. "Too much! Government spending has gotten way out of control. It needs big cuts in welfare, health, and education. But leave those subsidies to business alone. We need them to create jobs."
B) "It's not the AMOUNT of tax, it's where the burden falls," says student activist George W. Wu. "And at the moment, far too much of the burden is falling on the poor. People on high incomes still have more money than people on low incomes. I don't think I need to say anything more than that."
C) "I don't object to the amount of tax, I object to where it's being spent," says social reformer Anne-Marie Shiomi. "I'd like to see everyone have a choice as to where their dolla bills go every time they fill out a tax return. Everyone would feel a lot better about opening their wallets if they had a say as to where the money went. I think you'd see a lot more public money going to education and a lot less to business."
My choice: B, because we have to spread the wealth.
2. In a bid to provide a new revenue stream for The Magic O's Beef-Based Agriculture industry, it has been suggested that quacking tree frogs could be added to the menu.
A) "The fact is, the quacking tree frog population is out of control," says Beef-Based Agriculture spokesperson Bill Christmas. "We have to do something about them anyway, so why not market them as tasty snacks? We could have quacking tree frog kebabs, quacking tree frog pies, quacking tree frog-on-a-sticks--the possibilities are endless! Let's not pass up this golden opportunity to provide a feast, if you will, for our economy."
B)"I agree that something needs to be done about quacking tree frog over-population," says random passer-by Buy Thiesen, "but eating them? That's kind of gross. Let's just shoot the ones we have to and shovel their bodies into ditches like normal."
C)"I am shocked and appalled!" declared SPCA President Samuel du Pont. "If anyone needs to be culled, it's us humans. The quacking tree frogs were here first, remember? We need to take this as a sign to get our industry--agriculture in particular--to back off. The quacking tree frog is part of what makes The Magic O a great nation!"
My choice: C. Gotta save the planet from that evil industry.
3. Last night the respected tabloid TV show "60 Minutes" ran a report on The Magic O's rising divorce rate. What is happening to the nuclear family?
A) "There's a simple solution," says Pastor Felix, of the Catholic Church. "Divorce should be illegal. 'For better or worse,' anyone remember how that goes? We should return to the good old days, when you got married for life and stuck by your partner no matter how much of a drunken, abusive, adulterating disappointment they turned out to be."
B) John Black, author of the hit book, 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Some Whole Other Place,' has a simpler solution. "If couples would just call each other 'darling' once in a while, there would be far fewer relationship breakdowns. A little affection is all it takes. So the government should make it mandatory: call your spouse 'darling' at least once a day, or face a fine."
C) "There's a simple way to boost the marriage rate," says gay rights activist Colin Shiomi. "Abolish those arcane laws that discriminate against same-sex marriages. It's obscene to treat people differently because of their sexual preference. Besides, everyone knows gay relationships are more stable than straight ones."
My choice: B. Obama has come out against gay marriage, and what better way to strengthen marriage but a little bit of government intervention?
Friday, May 22, 2009
The Mediocre Experiment: Decisions
As I outlined yesterday, The Mediocre Experiment is just getting underway. Right now our fledgeling nation has three decisions before it.
Issue #1: It's time for the government to hire a new religious advisor. Your people have narrowed down the candidates to:
A) Catholic Archbishop Randy Shiomi: boasts an excellent track record, having rapidly increased church attendances in his constituencies through the "Reaching God Through Guilt" program. Seen as a solid choice.
B) New Age thinker Bianca Hendrikson: a left-field candidate with some radical ideas. "For me, it's not about the name of your religion. It's about discovering your spirituality in whatever guise that takes. Some people call that a cult: I call it taking spirituality to the people."
C) Finally, there's Calvin Jones. "If I am awarded the appointment, I will immediately resign," the ex-schoolteacher has declared. "Because, frankly, God is a big load of hokey. I'll be doing everyone a favor by just shutting up about it."
I'm going with A. Obama played on his religion a bit during the campaign. Not a whole lot, but enough.
Next up: Prospecting company Nukes4U has uncovered a large uranium deposit in The Magic O's south-west.
A) "This is a terrific find!" claims Nukes4U CEO Buy Li. "It will provide an enormous stimulus to our economy and create thousands of new jobs. It's win-win! All we need from the government is permission to bulldoze the rainforest that's on top of the deposit."
B) "You've got to be kidding," says Green politician Colin Hanover. "This rainforest is thousands of years old! This country needs more environmental protection, not less. And to destroy the environment in order to mine uranium that then goes into nuclear bombs--well, that really sticks in my craw."
C) "There's no need for an either-or decision," says the government's Minister for Mining, Clear-Felling, and the Environment. "We can preserve most of the rainforest and allow mining of a small part. After all, think of all the good that the money from this uranium deposit can bring to The Magic O."
This one is a no-brainer. It's B all the way. Obama, like many other politicians, is completely on the green train. Choo choo!
Finally: In response to a slow news week, certain highbrow newspapers have stirred up the debate over voluntary vs compulsory voting.
A) "Compulsory voting makes about as much as sense as having the death penalty for attempted suicide," says civil rights activist Peggy Li. "You can't force people to be free! You can only give them the choice. Besides, if all those derelicts who can't be bothered to get off their butts once every few years voted, who would they elect? I shudder to think."
B) "It's not contradictory at all," argues political commentator Larry Summers. "The fact is, if not everyone votes, the outcome isn't truly representative. Some groups--like elderly gun nuts--vote more often than others. That's why we always end up with such terrible politicians."
C) "This raises an interesting issue," says George W. McGuffin, your brother. "And that is: why do we need elections, anyway? Seems to me it would be much simpler if you just decided what was right, and did it. Wouldn't that save everyone a lot of time?"
B wins out again. You can't be relied upon to vote. So, the government will make sure you do. Sounds reasonable to me. How else can we be really representative?
Let me know what you think of my choices in the comments. I'll hold off on committing to the legislation for a bit. Remember, this isn't what you or I would choose. We aren't enlightened. This is what our fearless leader Comrade Obama would choose.
Issue #1: It's time for the government to hire a new religious advisor. Your people have narrowed down the candidates to:
A) Catholic Archbishop Randy Shiomi: boasts an excellent track record, having rapidly increased church attendances in his constituencies through the "Reaching God Through Guilt" program. Seen as a solid choice.
B) New Age thinker Bianca Hendrikson: a left-field candidate with some radical ideas. "For me, it's not about the name of your religion. It's about discovering your spirituality in whatever guise that takes. Some people call that a cult: I call it taking spirituality to the people."
C) Finally, there's Calvin Jones. "If I am awarded the appointment, I will immediately resign," the ex-schoolteacher has declared. "Because, frankly, God is a big load of hokey. I'll be doing everyone a favor by just shutting up about it."
I'm going with A. Obama played on his religion a bit during the campaign. Not a whole lot, but enough.
Next up: Prospecting company Nukes4U has uncovered a large uranium deposit in The Magic O's south-west.
A) "This is a terrific find!" claims Nukes4U CEO Buy Li. "It will provide an enormous stimulus to our economy and create thousands of new jobs. It's win-win! All we need from the government is permission to bulldoze the rainforest that's on top of the deposit."
B) "You've got to be kidding," says Green politician Colin Hanover. "This rainforest is thousands of years old! This country needs more environmental protection, not less. And to destroy the environment in order to mine uranium that then goes into nuclear bombs--well, that really sticks in my craw."
C) "There's no need for an either-or decision," says the government's Minister for Mining, Clear-Felling, and the Environment. "We can preserve most of the rainforest and allow mining of a small part. After all, think of all the good that the money from this uranium deposit can bring to The Magic O."
This one is a no-brainer. It's B all the way. Obama, like many other politicians, is completely on the green train. Choo choo!
Finally: In response to a slow news week, certain highbrow newspapers have stirred up the debate over voluntary vs compulsory voting.
A) "Compulsory voting makes about as much as sense as having the death penalty for attempted suicide," says civil rights activist Peggy Li. "You can't force people to be free! You can only give them the choice. Besides, if all those derelicts who can't be bothered to get off their butts once every few years voted, who would they elect? I shudder to think."
B) "It's not contradictory at all," argues political commentator Larry Summers. "The fact is, if not everyone votes, the outcome isn't truly representative. Some groups--like elderly gun nuts--vote more often than others. That's why we always end up with such terrible politicians."
C) "This raises an interesting issue," says George W. McGuffin, your brother. "And that is: why do we need elections, anyway? Seems to me it would be much simpler if you just decided what was right, and did it. Wouldn't that save everyone a lot of time?"
B wins out again. You can't be relied upon to vote. So, the government will make sure you do. Sounds reasonable to me. How else can we be really representative?
Let me know what you think of my choices in the comments. I'll hold off on committing to the legislation for a bit. Remember, this isn't what you or I would choose. We aren't enlightened. This is what our fearless leader Comrade Obama would choose.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The Mediocre Experiment
So I've been pondering what to do with my usual Friday segment, now that our fearless leader has reached rock bottom. I've been taking an impromptu hiatus from the being informed scene, burying my head in the sand like the rest of the population for a couple of days. In that time I've come up with an idea all on my own. How would you like it if we could run an amazingly accurate simulation of what our country would look like if our President could do whatever he wanted? Anything he wanted, done! What if we could use this simulation to accurately predict the future of our country, and how we would get there? This kind of simulation would have all the trimmings: War, graphics, violence, zombies...Maybe some politics...Anyhow, it would be cool. I'd call something like that "The Great Experiment".
Unfortunately, after my extensive 30 seconds of research I realized that something like that would cost money. So, I scrapped that, settled for "The Mediocre Experiment" and created a NationState. NationStates is a little web site where you can create a nation, give it a name, and make decisions. You get up to two issues to decide a day, and based on your decisions, your country evolves. You are given a title for your government (From Capitalist Paradise to Corrupt Dictatorship to New York Times Democracy) and rated on Civil Rights, Economy, and Political Freedoms. You can check out our new nation, the Commonwealth of The Magic O.
At times through the week I'll post what the decision our little microcosm has before it, and what I think Obama would do given the choice. You can suggest differently if you like, and at the end of the week we'll see what's going on in our island of paradise.
When you create your nation you are given a small questionnaire to get you started. I tried to answer as neutrally as I could (simply "undecided" was not an option.) In the interests of fairness, here's the questions I was given and the answers I gave (answers were A) Strongly Agree, B) Agree, C) Disagree, or D) Strongly Disagree):
1: A country should be judged by how it treats its worst-off citizens. B
2: Corporations do more good for society than harm. C
3: Marijuana should be legal. C
4: The world needs to rediscover its spirituality. B
5: A lot of what's wrong with youth today could be fixed by a year's military service. C
6: Capitalism is on the way out. B
7: Without democracy, a country has nothing. B
8: It's more important to deter criminals than try to rehabilitate them. C
Admittedly even having to answer a questionnaire like that taints the experiment, but remember, this one isn't Great, just Mediocre. As it stands, our country is classified as "Democratic Socialists". "The Commonwealth of The Magic O is a fledgling, environmentally stunning nation, notable for its burgeoning quacking tree frog population. Its compassionate, intelligent population of 5 million are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.
The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Social Welfare, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 35%, but much higher for the wealthy. A small but healthy private sector is led by the Soda Sales industry, followed by Basket Weaving and Cheese Exports.
Crime is moderate, and the police force struggles against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. The Magic O's national animal is the quacking tree frog, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the dolla bill."
So, there you have it! Long Live the Commonwealth!
Unfortunately, after my extensive 30 seconds of research I realized that something like that would cost money. So, I scrapped that, settled for "The Mediocre Experiment" and created a NationState. NationStates is a little web site where you can create a nation, give it a name, and make decisions. You get up to two issues to decide a day, and based on your decisions, your country evolves. You are given a title for your government (From Capitalist Paradise to Corrupt Dictatorship to New York Times Democracy) and rated on Civil Rights, Economy, and Political Freedoms. You can check out our new nation, the Commonwealth of The Magic O.
At times through the week I'll post what the decision our little microcosm has before it, and what I think Obama would do given the choice. You can suggest differently if you like, and at the end of the week we'll see what's going on in our island of paradise.
When you create your nation you are given a small questionnaire to get you started. I tried to answer as neutrally as I could (simply "undecided" was not an option.) In the interests of fairness, here's the questions I was given and the answers I gave (answers were A) Strongly Agree, B) Agree, C) Disagree, or D) Strongly Disagree):
1: A country should be judged by how it treats its worst-off citizens. B
2: Corporations do more good for society than harm. C
3: Marijuana should be legal. C
4: The world needs to rediscover its spirituality. B
5: A lot of what's wrong with youth today could be fixed by a year's military service. C
6: Capitalism is on the way out. B
7: Without democracy, a country has nothing. B
8: It's more important to deter criminals than try to rehabilitate them. C
Admittedly even having to answer a questionnaire like that taints the experiment, but remember, this one isn't Great, just Mediocre. As it stands, our country is classified as "Democratic Socialists". "The Commonwealth of The Magic O is a fledgling, environmentally stunning nation, notable for its burgeoning quacking tree frog population. Its compassionate, intelligent population of 5 million are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.
The enormous, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Social Welfare, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 35%, but much higher for the wealthy. A small but healthy private sector is led by the Soda Sales industry, followed by Basket Weaving and Cheese Exports.
Crime is moderate, and the police force struggles against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. The Magic O's national animal is the quacking tree frog, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the dolla bill."
So, there you have it! Long Live the Commonwealth!
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