Obama claims stimulus pork free?

Yesterday I was riding along in my gas guzzling pickup truck, content and happy in the knowledge I was destroying the environment for future generations. While I contemplated various evil, capitalistic thoughts, I heard the following quote from the Leader of the Free World, while at a town hall meeting in Raleigh, NC:

“Less than one month after taking office we enacted the most sweeping economic recovery package in history. And by the way, we did so -- (applause) -- we did so without any earmarks or wasteful pork barrel projects, pet projects, that we've become accustomed to. Not one was in there.”

A few things happened at the moment I heard this. My head exploded, my jaw dropped, and my brain went into instant lockdown. No thought was permitted as I carefully repeated in my mind what the President had just stated. Then, like a small frightened child, one lone thought entered my brain: “Did he just say…What I think he said?” I couldn’t believe it. We are all used to politicians lying to us. The right, the left, the center; they do it all the time. What I am not used to is a politician being so bold about it.

It was later that I realized the malfunction. Normally, in a bill, you’ve got the beefy portion of the bill that does what the bill is supposed to do. Attached to it you’ve got the pork, extraneous projects designed to benefit constituents. The reason he isn’t seeing the pork in this bill is because there is so much, it blends in! What we have here is a case of chameleon pork, or porkeleon spending.

The GOP leaders published this list of projects they are dubbing pork. Some of it can be debated. Let’s pull a few highlights though:

• $75 M for “smoking cessation activities”
• $25 M for tribal alchohol and substance abuse reduction
• $1,200 M for "youth activities," including youth summer job programs
• $100 M for reducing the hazard of lead-based paint.

Golly, I was worried about that recession, but now I can rest safe and secure in the knowledge that there will be no more Indian Whiskey and Weed nights at the reservation. Summer camp for kids, now that’s economic stimulus!

This is all to say absolutely nothing of the massive chunks of the bill that are “discretionary”, which have yet to be decided. These portions will be given out to various localities to spend, and the usefulness of those monies will depend entirely on the goodwill of the local politicians.