Primary candidates: Felons, John Connor, and Anonymous

Now that the Republicans finally got their act together and nominated the guy who I'm positive will at some point rip off his shirt and start fighting terrorists with laser beams from his eyes, we can get down to business on the real primary challenge.

I'm talking, of course, of the Democratic primary. In Arkansas, Obama is getting fierce resistance from some dude named John Wolfe. Nobody has ever heard of this guy, but I believe it's actually just a clever alias for John Connor.

Connor's put on a little weight, apparently.

 Over in Kentucky, voters are torn between Obama and absolutely nobody at all, with 40% of the vote going to "uncommitted".

"About two out of every five Democratic voters in Tuesday’s presidential primary in Kentucky chose “uncommitted” instead of voting for President Barack Obama. …

“I’m at a victory celebration for ‘uncommitted’ who performed admirably,” said [state GOP chair Steve] Robertson. “I’ve never met the guy but know that he highly embarrassed Obama.”

Kentucky’s vote was notable, though, for the fact that there weren’t even any other candidates on the ballot. The most the “uncommitted” option won so far this primary season was previously 21 percent in the North Carolina primary earlier this month. Kentucky looks as though it will double that number.

What could be more embarrassing than almost losing when you don't have any opposition whatsoever? Maybe almost getting beat by a convicted felon who is currently serving time in another state altogether.

A federal inmate who is running for president won 42 percent of the vote in West Virginia’s Democratic primary yesterday. According to the Associated Press, Keith Judd is serving time at the Beaumont Federal Correctional Institution in Texas for making threats at the University of New Mexico in 1999.

 Naturally, there's no doubt Obama will actually win the nomination in the end. There's also the fact that he didn't have much of a shot in Kentucky or West Virginia anyhow, with them being all but card carrying members of the "anyone but that Obama character" club.

Still, it can't bode well if the Magic O is finding it hard to win against convicted felons and nobody at all. How hard can a fight against yourself actually be?

Pretty hard, as it turns out.