Obama claims stimulus pork free?

Yesterday I was riding along in my gas guzzling pickup truck, content and happy in the knowledge I was destroying the environment for future generations. While I contemplated various evil, capitalistic thoughts, I heard the following quote from the Leader of the Free World, while at a town hall meeting in Raleigh, NC:

“Less than one month after taking office we enacted the most sweeping economic recovery package in history. And by the way, we did so -- (applause) -- we did so without any earmarks or wasteful pork barrel projects, pet projects, that we've become accustomed to. Not one was in there.”

A few things happened at the moment I heard this. My head exploded, my jaw dropped, and my brain went into instant lockdown. No thought was permitted as I carefully repeated in my mind what the President had just stated. Then, like a small frightened child, one lone thought entered my brain: “Did he just say…What I think he said?” I couldn’t believe it. We are all used to politicians lying to us. The right, the left, the center; they do it all the time. What I am not used to is a politician being so bold about it.

It was later that I realized the malfunction. Normally, in a bill, you’ve got the beefy portion of the bill that does what the bill is supposed to do. Attached to it you’ve got the pork, extraneous projects designed to benefit constituents. The reason he isn’t seeing the pork in this bill is because there is so much, it blends in! What we have here is a case of chameleon pork, or porkeleon spending.

The GOP leaders published this list of projects they are dubbing pork. Some of it can be debated. Let’s pull a few highlights though:

• $75 M for “smoking cessation activities”
• $25 M for tribal alchohol and substance abuse reduction
• $1,200 M for "youth activities," including youth summer job programs
• $100 M for reducing the hazard of lead-based paint.

Golly, I was worried about that recession, but now I can rest safe and secure in the knowledge that there will be no more Indian Whiskey and Weed nights at the reservation. Summer camp for kids, now that’s economic stimulus!

This is all to say absolutely nothing of the massive chunks of the bill that are “discretionary”, which have yet to be decided. These portions will be given out to various localities to spend, and the usefulness of those monies will depend entirely on the goodwill of the local politicians.

CBO, now with Chuck Norris deadliness!

I’m not quite sure when the transformation took place. Were they there all along? Did they just get hired? Did they experience a sudden uptick in their consumption of Holy Ambrosia (AKA Dr. Pepper)? Regardless of the cause, the end result is the same: The CBO (Congressional Budget Office) is officially a BAMFs. They recently delivered a Chuck Norris strength roundhouse kick to the collective face of the Galactic Healthcare bill, and by extension, President Obama.

I took it upon myself to read the 18 page report published by the CBO. As you can imagine, it is about as thrilling a read as the instruction manual to your toaster. Fortunately, I also found this analysis by Keith Hennessy, which is a much easier read.

I’ll start with my impressions from the toaster manual. They begin tamely, by analyzing the effect on private coverage. It starts to really heat up around page 12. Check out these bullet point impacts on the labor market (Emphasis mine):

• Requiring employers to offer health insurance – or pay a fee if they do not – would be likely to reduce employment, though the effect would probably be small.
• Providing new subsidies for health insurance that decline in value as a person’s income rises could discourage some people from working more hours.

The first one is pretty self explanatory. Higher cost of employment = Less employment! The following paragraph states that this would be an “8% increase in the cost of hiring a worker making the minimum wage”. That’s right. All those poor working mothers we’re supposed to feel sorry for are hereby getting the shaft. Thanks, Uncle Sam!

The second one is clearly bad, but how bad? It functions off a principle they call the “implicit tax”. Basically, the subsidies you get for working decrease the more you make. The withdrawal of those benefits increase your costs, effectively “taxing” you the difference. How much is this implicit tax? Roughly 20%, they say. This means that every extra hour you work is effectively “taxed” at an additional 20% rate, because that same hour is causing you to lose healthcare benefits.

Of course our friends at the CBO save the best for last: Budget deficits! This is where Keith Hennessy focuses his article. Rather than throwing numbers at you, here’s a handy graph so you can see it all at once.


From the blog: “The House bill raises $87 B of taxes in 2019, compared to the $151 B net spending increase in that year. The area between the light blue and yellow lines is the deficit impact. Up to 2013, the bill collects more in taxes than it spends, so the bill actually reduces budget deficits in the early years. After 2013, the light blue net spending line is above the yellow tax line, so the bill adds to the deficit. In 2019, the bill increases the deficit by $151 B – $87 B = $64 B. The net of the deficit-reducing and deficit-increasing areas is the $239 B deficit increase over 10 years from the first table above. Again, all of these are CBO and Joint Tax Committee numbers.

Now we turn to the long run, relying on that key CBO paragraph. Here are the key numbers:
The net cost of the coverage provisions would be growing at a rate of more than 8 percent per year in nominal terms between 2017 and 2019; we would anticipate a similar trend in the subsequent decade. … Revenue from the surcharge on high-income individuals would be growing at about 5 percent per year in nominal terms between 2017 and 2019; that component would continue to grow at a slower rate than the cost of the coverage expansion in the following decade.”

What happens when your spending grows faster than your revenue? You get this:

Did you hear that sound? That’s the sound of the CBO curb stomping the Obamacare plan. Of course, there is a simple solution to the entire problem. We can just tax the rich into oblivion! They won’t mind, they’re evil anyway. They certainly would never see such taxes as an incentive to leave America and do business elsewhere.

The plan was terrible because it attacked your liberty. The plan was horrible because it expanded government. Now the plan can be shown to be ridiculously expensive. Think on that, and then ponder this: We were told by our Commander-in-Chief that the plan you saw above had to be passed by August. Be warned if it is tried again: You will need this knowledge to defend your liberty from an ever growing power hungry Federal government, hell bent on mortgaging our futures.

Returning from hiatus

Almost a month ago I noticed that people were reading my blog. Suddenly I had people come up to me, asking questions about my latest position or rant, as if it were normal and natural.

Strange, I know. I'm not quite sure how this happened. Regardless of the cause, I had a solution. I said to myself, "Self?" "Yes?" I answered. "How about we go on a completely unannounced and unplanned hiatus, not post anything at all for almost a month, then come back like nothing happened?" Yep, that oughta do it.

So, here I am again. In all seriousness, I did not plan to be away this long. Life got the better of me for a while. Fear not, eager reader (and Fluffy the imaginary monkey, of course), for I am returned. I will likely not be as active as I once was, but I will endeavour to provide the same mediocre quality of opinions and comments as always! We aim to please, here at Just Another Capitalist.

Comparisons: Pirates vs. Ninjas

Comparison debates are made every day. Socialism vs. Capitalism. Christianity vs. Islam. Ford vs. Chevy. But there is one issue that outstrips them all, and that is what we will examine today.

Pirates vs. Ninjas

Swashbuckling buccaneers, or black clad warriors? To start with you may want to examine this excellent source, which compares the two in a very unbiased manner.

The rules:

1. We aren't debating which you'd rather be, or who is cooler. We are comparing sheer awesome deadliness. We will try to replicate the conditions that such an epic showdown would occur.
2. As in the source above, ninjas get no extra-dimensional magic tricks.
3. Also as in above, pirates aren't crazy supernatural and/or undead pirates. The term "pirate" in this debate is nearly always meant to refer to European/Caribbean pirates, a la Blackbeard. That is what we will be using here.

Item #1: Terrain

With any conflict, terrain is important. It goes without saying that pirates have a significant advantage when at sea thanks to their profession. Ninjas, on the other hand, would have the advantage on land for the same reason. The slideshow points out that water covers 3/4 of the earth's surface, giving the pirate a sheer surface area advantage. However, 99.99% of humanity (everyone except sailors and pirates) live almost exclusively on the land. Even pirates frequent coastal towns to rape/pillage/gather supplies/get drunk. For this reason any conflict would most likely happen there, giving the ninja the upper hand.

Item #2: Armament

The pirate had a wide array of weapons at his disposal. From militaryhistory.com:

• While the pirate had access to muskets and crossbows, they "prized the pistol above all other weapons." This was a short range weapon that could fire one large ball, or several small ones like a shotgun. It was single shot, so many pirates (for example, Blackbeard) carried multiple pistols. Their range was "an effective range of only 3 or 4 yards". Because deck boarding was a crowded melee, accuracy was not a concern.
• "The most popular pirate sword was the cutlass, a crude, heavy, single-edged sword that was typically about two feet long. Although somewhat clumsy, this sword was easily wielded during a crowded battle, and relatively cheap." Here we can see they go for quantity, rather than quality. Once again, designed to be used in a crowded melee brawl.
• The pirate ship was a weapon as well. Unfortunately for the buccaneer, since this fight is occurring in a port town, the cannons aren't of any use.

The Ninja, too, had an assortment of tools. His gear goes beyond simple combat implements. Source: The Ninjutsu Society

• "Ninja Tou: This was a sword with a plain square tsuba (guard). Like all the weapons of the ninja, this had more uses than simply attacking the enemy." The scabbard was longer than necessary for the weapon, allowing it to conceal powders, poisons, documents, shurikens, etc. It could also be used as a step to get to hard to reach places. They were not as high quality as the samurai katana, and so the ninjas practiced using their entire body momentum to generate killing force with their slightly curved blade. It deserves to be pointed out that the katana is widely regarded as one of the finest blades ever crafted, so even a lesser blade crafted by legendary Japanese smiths would be formidable.
• A plethora of other melee weapons are commonly used by ninjas, depending on the situation. These can include:

1. Bo staff, known for it's defensive capabilities (A ninja armed with a bo could keep as many as 5 men armed with swords at bay)
2. Kusarigama (or sickle with weighted chain) that could be used for climbing or slashing in combat
3. Jutte, which could be used to capture an evaded blade
4. Yari or Naginta (long spear and halberd like spear respectively).
5. Shuko/Ashiko, claws worn on the hands and feet that could be used to aid in climbing. They were also raking weapons and could even be used to capture swords.
6. Kusarifundo (chain-weight) was a short chain with weights attached to each end.. It was swung to achieve great momentum and then aimed to strike with the very end of the weight for maximum impact.
7. Shurikens, which can refer to any thrown weapon. They range from disks with 3-8 blades to sliver-like lengths of metal that were used like throwing knives, poisoned or not. Ninjas typically carried 9 shurikens, as the number 9 was believed to be lucky.
8. Miscellaneous other tools, including: Sight obscuring powder, caltrops (barbed metals that were scattered on the ground to discourage pursuit), bows with poisoned arrows, and others.

Item #3: Training & tactics

Pirates came from every walk of life. They depended on their abilities as seamen to sail, and lifetimes of practice would make them very competent sailors. In battle, however, it was somewhat different. Formal training was unlikely, but practice and experience were not. (Source) The usual prey of a pirate ship would be a lightly armed merchant vessel. If ever approached by a foe that appeared to be close in strength or weaponry they would run rather than fight. They would rely first on intimidation to have the crew surrender, so that the booty could be taken with no fight. Should this prove unsuccessful, brute force and superior numbers were typically used. They were renowned for taking no prisoners in this situation, likely to prevent fights in the future.

Ninjas, on the other hand, were typically either born into the ninja clan or were joined to it shortly after birth. The child would grow living, drinking, and breathing ninjutsu. Much like the Spartans before them, every facet of life was focused on training for the young assassins. The very nature of the ninja makes their histories difficult to discern. What is clear, though, is that the ninja's life was Ninjutsu. The ninja prefers to fight from the shadows, striking and then vanishing, rather than engaging the enemy forthright.

Item #4: Numbers

In the most likely, coastal town, scenario the pirates would be on shore leave. Drinking, carousing, raping, pillaging, etc. It is doubtful the entire crew would be massed at one place, but it is equally unlikely that any pirate would be alone. As a pirate sloop could carry around 75 people, we will say that twenty pirates, or a little more than a quarter of the crew, are travelling together. We will also give them the benefit of the doubt and say they are fully armed and equipped, and that it is a dry night (so their gunpowder will work.)

The ninja clans were entire collections of families and could consist of fifteen or more fully mastered ninjas, as well as numerous trainees of varying levels of skill. It is unlikely that the clan would send every ninja they had, even for a battle of this magnitude. Keeping with the same ratio, we will say the ninjas send about a quarter of their elite, or four master ninjas.

The conclusion

Finally, we arrive at the battle itself. Who will win?

Twenty pirates

Four ninjas.

I'm going to spoil the ending for you: The ninjas win. Here's why:

• The pirates don't know they're coming. Why? Because they are ninjas, stealth is what they do.
• Being in an ambush position, the ninjas will be able to set up at range with bows or shurikens. Traps and other devices could also be laid in the kill zone. In the opening volley of projectiles the ninjas can be expected to kill at least one person each (with poison and whatnot), not to mention various eye irritants and other chemical weapons they could employ.
• At this point, 20% of the pirates are dead or dying, and the rest are having a bad day. The ninjas could either employ more shurikens (they have 9, remember), or close to hand-to-hand.
• The pirates have their firearms. They are well suited to a confused melee, where there are enemies everywhere and accuracy is not an issue. In this case, however, numbers count against you as you are just as likely to hit a friend as a smaller, more agile foe.
• The pirates weapons are crude, their training minimal, and so the ninja will undoubtedly outdo them in hand to hand. Again, well suited for attacking a lightly armed merchant vessel. Not so much against heavily armed and expertly trained avatars of death.
• Morale will quickly become a factor. Having been ambushed, attacked with chemical weapons, and having experienced shocking up front casualties (For comparison, there was an 11% casualty rate on D-day), and with no treasure and/or rum likely to be gained by staying around, it is unlikely that the buccaneers would stand and fight. The ninjas on the other hand are devoted to their clan to the point of suicidal death and/or disfigurement.

Estimated casualties at end of battle: Pirates - 10+, ninjas - 0-1. Pirates flee the field.

Showdown: Cake vs. Pie

For centuries, mankind has been plagued with questions. What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? What is the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything? (That one is 42, obviously). Today we will take one of these ultimate questions and settle it, once and for all.

Cake vs. Pie

Let's start with definitions.

Pie:

From Webster's:

Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English
Date: 14th century
1: a meat dish baked with biscuit or pastry crust — compare potpie
2: a dessert consisting of a filling (as of fruit or custard) in a pastry shell or topped with pastry or both

Cake:

Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old Norse kaka; akin to Old High German kuocho cake
Date: 13th century
1 a: a breadlike food made from a dough or batter that is usually fried or baked in small flat shapes and is often unleavened b: a sweet baked food made from a dough or thick batter usually containing flour and sugar and often shortening, eggs, and a raising agent (as baking powder) c: a flattened usually round mass of food that is baked or fried
2 a: a block of compacted or congealed matter b: a hard or brittle layer or deposit

Versus

The largest difference between these two dishes is versatility. A cake, being tied down by its batter, is limited in possibilities. You can only fry and mix eggs and flour so many ways before you start repeating yourself. A cake is a cake, no matter how you slice it.

The pie, on the other hand, is nearly limitless. Starting on the outside, the crust can have many variations: Simple dough, gingerbread, oreo, graham, chocolate...The list goes on and on. The filling itself is even more varied. You want fruit? Try apples, cherries, or blackberries. In the mood for something more light? Meringues of every size and description. Cheese? Perhaps you should sample the cheesecake (which is clearly a pie, despite the name). Pies aren't even limited to deserts. Meat pies and pot pies bring it to the dinner table. It could even be argued that pizza is a form of pie.

Since every person has different tastes it is important to be able to appeal to the masses. Here, pie clearly wins hands down. [EDIT: It also deserves to be noted that the cake depends on a parasite, namely the icing, for it's appeal and flavor. Pies, on the other hand, rely on no one for their tasty goodness.]

Socially, cake does have one advantage. They have managed to corner the market on birthdays. After all, no one wants a birthday pie. That's great for the one day. The other 364 days of the year, you've got pies. In comedy, cream pies have been used for decades in routines throughout the world. And let's face it: When your dessert shares its name with "a block of compacted or congealed matter", it's hard to rally behind it. Bird's of a feather flock together, after all. Congealed matter anyone?

Politically, cakes have been used by dictators to suppress their people for centuries. Simply recall the popular phrase "let them eat cake", which (while its origins are murky) is a symbol of aristocracy. On the other hand, let's have another quote: As American as Apple _______. Fill in the blank, my friend.

In conclusion:

• Pie's are far more versatile
• Cakes only dominate for one day, or roughly .27% of the year
• Pies are popular for 99.73% of the year
• Pies are funny
• Cake=congealed matter & aristocracy
• Pies=Freedom and America.

Handy Haversack o' News (now with ninjas!)

Alright, so there aren't actually any ninjas. But there is news.

• Michael Moore (is it just me, or does he look like an extra from "Dawn of the Dead"?) has this to say about the new Government Motors: "I'm pretty excited to own a car company!" The reasons are clear and compelling. With the government at the wheel, we can ignore all those silly market forces and get to what's really important: Building green vehicles nobody wants. Finally!
• Confirmed: Media biased towards the left. Here's a nifty video that shows economic coverage of a recovering economy in 2003, vs. the tanking economy of 2009. Bonus points if you can figure out which one gets more negativity!
• Paranoid, or just safety minded? Bullet proof backpacks and toddler bio-hazard suits, these things are perfect for Father's day, provided your father is a right-wing extremist like me. Seriously though, who wouldn't want a flame thrower on their truck? No one I know.
• Retired state dept. employee arrested for spying. American Thinker has a very in depth, step by step article you can read here. Basically, the fella and his wifey are head over heels in love with Cuba and the socialist regime there, so they are recruited to spy for the island nation. I wonder...is hanging still allowed for treason?

Hah! Bet you didn't see that coming! That's the thing about ninjas, and why they are WAY more awesome than pirates.

Mediocre Experiment: Nazis, Cameras, and organs!

Normally I would've posted my legislation on the issues facing the Magic O, but due to a slight miscalculation the website processed my decisions almost immediately. You'll have to trust that I chose accurately. Here's the Reader's Digest version:

Issue #1: Nazi sympathizers propose rally
A) Ban due to hate speech
B) Allow, regardless of content.

I chose A.

Issue #2: Install cameras in public places to reduce crime.
A) Do not allow, invasion of privacy.
B) In public, people can see you! No privacy in public, install cameras.
C) Cameras clearly invade privacy, so let's have our citizens barcoded into a national database!

I chose C. The government can manage your needs that much easier, and crime will stop in it's tracks!

Issue #3: Compulsory organ donation
A) Enforce, the dead don't need organs.
B) My organs, my choice.

I chose A. Lower health care costs for everybody!

So, here's our weekly standings.

The Commonwealth of The Magic O
“YES WE CAN!”

Category: Democratic Socialists
Civil Rights:Some
Economy:Fragile
Political Freedoms:Some

The Commonwealth of The Magic O is a small, safe nation, notable for its burgeoning quacking tree frog population. Its compassionate population of 26 million are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The government -- a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, socially-minded morass -- juggles the competing demands of Religion & Spirituality, Healthcare, and the Environment. The average income tax rate is 44%, but much higher for the wealthy. A small private sector is led by the Soda Sales industry, followed by Basket Weaving and Door-to-door Insurance Sales.

The quacking tree frog is a protected species, it is illegal to make racist remarks in public, citizens are barcoded to keep track of their movements, and organ donation is compulsory. Crime is totally unknown. The Magic O's national animal is the quacking tree frog, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the dolla bill.

The Magic O is ranked 1897th in the region and 35,991st in the world for Largest Gambling Industries.