Showdown: Cake vs. Pie

For centuries, mankind has been plagued with questions. What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? What is the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything? (That one is 42, obviously). Today we will take one of these ultimate questions and settle it, once and for all.

Cake vs. Pie

Let's start with definitions.

Pie:

From Webster's:

Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English
Date: 14th century
1: a meat dish baked with biscuit or pastry crust — compare potpie
2: a dessert consisting of a filling (as of fruit or custard) in a pastry shell or topped with pastry or both

Cake:

Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old Norse kaka; akin to Old High German kuocho cake
Date: 13th century
1 a: a breadlike food made from a dough or batter that is usually fried or baked in small flat shapes and is often unleavened b: a sweet baked food made from a dough or thick batter usually containing flour and sugar and often shortening, eggs, and a raising agent (as baking powder) c: a flattened usually round mass of food that is baked or fried
2 a: a block of compacted or congealed matter b: a hard or brittle layer or deposit

Versus

The largest difference between these two dishes is versatility. A cake, being tied down by its batter, is limited in possibilities. You can only fry and mix eggs and flour so many ways before you start repeating yourself. A cake is a cake, no matter how you slice it.

The pie, on the other hand, is nearly limitless. Starting on the outside, the crust can have many variations: Simple dough, gingerbread, oreo, graham, chocolate...The list goes on and on. The filling itself is even more varied. You want fruit? Try apples, cherries, or blackberries. In the mood for something more light? Meringues of every size and description. Cheese? Perhaps you should sample the cheesecake (which is clearly a pie, despite the name). Pies aren't even limited to deserts. Meat pies and pot pies bring it to the dinner table. It could even be argued that pizza is a form of pie.

Since every person has different tastes it is important to be able to appeal to the masses. Here, pie clearly wins hands down. [EDIT: It also deserves to be noted that the cake depends on a parasite, namely the icing, for it's appeal and flavor. Pies, on the other hand, rely on no one for their tasty goodness.]

Socially, cake does have one advantage. They have managed to corner the market on birthdays. After all, no one wants a birthday pie. That's great for the one day. The other 364 days of the year, you've got pies. In comedy, cream pies have been used for decades in routines throughout the world. And let's face it: When your dessert shares its name with "a block of compacted or congealed matter", it's hard to rally behind it. Bird's of a feather flock together, after all. Congealed matter anyone?

Politically, cakes have been used by dictators to suppress their people for centuries. Simply recall the popular phrase "let them eat cake", which (while its origins are murky) is a symbol of aristocracy. On the other hand, let's have another quote: As American as Apple _______. Fill in the blank, my friend.

In conclusion:

• Pie's are far more versatile
• Cakes only dominate for one day, or roughly .27% of the year
• Pies are popular for 99.73% of the year
• Pies are funny
• Cake=congealed matter & aristocracy
• Pies=Freedom and America.