That makes Romney the unopposed candidate, thanks to Newt's concession after he publicly declared that "It's patently obvious to each and every American that I have not a snowball's chance in hell of even becoming a statistically significant player in this primary, let alone win. I mean, my campaign bounced a $500 check that was needed to get my name on the ballot in Utah! Seriously, who would stay in after that?"
Just kidding! Newt's vowed to fight to the very end. After an interview with the Gingrich campaign it was revealed to Just Another Capitalist that Newt's decision is based solely on the advice from an unidentified consultant. The consultant was described only as an "expert in reliable bridge security", but he did consent to a quick photo op.
Reportedly Don Quixote was Newt's first choice, but he went with the Black Knight to make a grab for the essential quadruple amputee vote.
Newt's campaign cited "technical issues" as the reason the $500 check to Utah bounced. Upon further investigation it was found that the "technical issue" was "having no money", also known as "being flat-ass broke".
When speaking with Mike Huckabee on Huck's radio show he essentially said he was glad to "finally get Romney 1-on-1".
That's right, Newt, you've got him just where you want him.
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