And...I'm back (with a Haversack)!

Greetings, fellow consumers of stolen wisdom. There is a good chance that, at this moment, most of you reading this blog are more informed than I am. I recently had a week long shortage of care. I impersonated your average American sheep and stuck my head deeply in the fine aggregate known as sand.

But no longer! So, to catch up quickly on what has gone on during my short hiatus, here's a Haversack full o' news.

• North Korea successfully detonates a nuclear bomb. Unlike the last test in 2006, this one yielded results. The bomb gave off a force on par with the Hiroshima bomb of 1945. Beloved Leader Kim has also said that they are no longer bound by the Armistice that ended the Korean War, and threatens war if the US or S. Korea act on their threat to search N. Korean ships. Personally, I am amazed. You mean strongly worded UN resolutions didn't stop Kim from gaining nuclear weapons? Inconceivable!
• Obama nominated Sonia Sotomayor to be the next Justice of the Supreme Court. Of course, she is a middle of the road, impartial judge, who will not allow anything to influence her interpretation of the Constitution. Don't believe me? Check the quotes: "I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life." No sir, no racism here! How about justice activism? "[the] Court of Appeals is where policy is made". Glad to see she knows her role.
• Biden decides secret VP bunker not so secret after all. Good ol' Joe, during the Gridiron club dinner (That the Pres. decided to snub, only the second time in history), let slip that there is a secret bunker under the Naval observatory, which is now the domicile of the Vice President. He then went on to describe in detail the tour of the place. I didn't see this in the article, but I'm pretty sure he went on to say that he often jogs by the lake in the early morning, alone. Silly Joe!
• The White House makes children cry. A group of children arrived from Conway Elementary School, eager to tour the White House. Starry eyed, they got up extra early. When over 100 kindergartners arrived at the doors, they were told that they could not come in. Why? Because they were 10 minutes late, and the White House had to get ready for a luncheon with the Steelers. Serves those rotten kids right. That'll teach them to be late!
• Finally! Zombie fire ants. Not quite Dawn of the Dead, but still! Researchers have found a parasitic fly that "dive-bomb" the fire ants and lay eggs. "The maggot that hatches inside the ant eats away at the brain, and the ant starts exhibiting what some might say is zombie-like behavior." Basically, they wander around aimlessly until their heads fall off. These flies are now being imported to farmers in Texas and other places to control the fire ant population.
• Newsflash: RNC to label the Democrat party as the "Socialist" Party!
• Newsflash: NOBODY CARES! Hey, RNC, why don't you try poopy head next? That's the ticket! Here I have to agree with RNC Chairman Michale Steele, as much as it pains me to do so. Do I think that the title is accurate? Absolutely! They are cruising us towards European style socialism at Mach speeds. The fact remains that labeling them Socialist in this dramatic manner is not going to achieve anything, and will actually make you appear to be exactly what you are: Spineless cowards with no real substance who are pandering to the masses in a vain attempt to recapture a fire you long since lost when you sold your soul to the Left.

UPDATE: Kris, a friend of mine, pointed out that what O is really cruising towards is not European style socialism, but actually fascism. He is correct, though functionally the two are very similar. Even though socialism abolishes private property, and fascism retains it, the fascists don't allow you control of said property, so it is not really yours in the end. Here's an excellent article that goes through the similarities between socialism and fascism.