Chuck Norris Facts

Here's a few facts I found on the fan page here on facebook and a few of my own. Remember: Laugh at Chuck Norris at your own risk.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walk into a bar. The bar instantly exploded because no building can hold that level of awesome.

A viper once bit Chuck Norris. After a week of excruciating pain, the viper died.

Chuck Norris doesn't breath, he holds air hostage.

When you jump in water, you get wet. When Chuck Norris jumps in water, the water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can kick-start a car.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built with his bare hands.

Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.

Scientists have discovered that one drop of Chuck Norris's sweat can bring the space shuttle to Saturn, ride around it's rings on thousand times, then fly back without even using half the drop of sweat.

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he just stares at the grass and dares it to grow.

The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way. ONCE.

Like a Russian nesting doll, if you broke Chuck Norris open, you would find another Chuck Norris inside, smaller and angrier.

There no use crying over spilt milk. Unless it's Chuck Norris's milk, cause then you're going to die.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, why do you think nothing can live there?

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.

Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they kill 99.9 percent of germs, Chuck Norris kills 100% of whatever the hell he wants.

Once when Chuck Norris smiled, a puppy came back to life.

A blind man bumped into Chuck Norris. The simple act of touching him cured the man's blindness, unfortunately the first and last thing the man saw was a fatal roundhouse kick to the face by Chuck Norris.

Chuck norris is the reason someone dies every minute.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever.