Thursday, April 30, 2009

A reasoned voice on the left

Thanks to Maelyn for directing me to this gentleman. His name is Jonathan Rauch. He is a leftist journalist, a self described "homosexual Jewish apatheist", and there seems to be little he says that I agree with. That being said, I find his writings fascinating. Here is someone with whom you could speak, debate, disagree, and still get along with just fine. Someone who seems to have the intellectual maturity to argue without name calling and straw man arguments.

His arguments for gay marriage are especially compelling. He manages to go through eight dissertations on the subject (and has written some books I haven't read) without once denouncing his opponents as bigoted, ignorant, or anything else. He even teams up with a similarly fair minded individual on the right (One David Blankenhorn) who staunchly opposes gay marriage to write an article describing a workable compromise. I'll eventually formulate my own impression of them in a blog, but for now, read for yourself.

New Feature: The Handy Haversack

On my computer I have a favorites folder. It's called "To be blogged" and in it go all the cool things that catch my eye. The problem is this folder is growing...I'm afraid if I don't take desperate action it's going to declare sovereignty and take over my computer. So, to forestall any cyber uprisings, I've decided to start a semi regular feature: The Handy Haversack o' Stories (Kudos if you got the reference). I plan to put up a link, write some comments, and banish it from my folder forever!
  • CBS: Obama Disapproval among blacks: 0%. The link is to a story by The Moderate Voice. Recently CBS broke approval numbers for the Magic O down by race, in honor of his first 100 days. (Side note: Isn't breaking numbers out by race, by definition, racist?) Among whites, 62%. Now to the good part. Among blacks: 96% approve, 4% no answer. That means...Hold on...Carry the five...Yes, 0% disapproval. Not one single black person in America disapproves of Obama's job. If you are reading this, and you are black, you no longer exist. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Best go ahead and end your imaginary life.
  • Texas Governor Rick Perry for secession? This one is from early on in the month. He endorsed HCR 50, joining Rep Brandon Creighton, which affirms the 10th Amendment. That's the one that states "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people." During a tea party, he also made comments that touched on secession (though very veiled) as a poor choice, but possibly the only choice if government intrusions continue. He has been called a traitor. That may be so, but remember this: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin...All were traitors. Treason against a corrupt and oppressive government is the right thing to do. We are not at that point yet. Should that point come it will be every patriots duty to stand and fight. That's what Rick Perry was getting at, I think, and I agree with him.
  • The filthiest McDonald's EVER: There really isn't much need for introduction. Check the clip, and prepare to be disgusted.
  • Obama commits double murder, media can't find right angle: Interesting piece from The Onion, satirizing the media bias. In the story, the President murders a couple in cold blood.
  • Communist News Network (CNN) Reporter, most unbiased journalist EVER: There's no media bias. It's a right wing myth. Just check out this reporter as she chews out tea party attendees, endorses the bailout package, and tells the camera that the protests aren't "family viewing". Classic.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Newsflash: Specter a Democrat, Water is Wet

Yes folks, that's right. As of yesterday Senator Arlen Specter (R?-PA) announced that he is actually a Democrat. This just in, equally surprising: Water is in fact wet.

Excuse my while I attempt to contain my utter lack of surprise. Hold on, let me summon up Captain Obvious. Mr. Specter, you haven't been a Republican for a very long time. You certainly sealed the deal 2 months ago when you and the rest of the Three Musketeers voted my toddlers into debt. I wish I had known he was still laboring under this delusion. I could have cleared that up for him in a jiffy.

Why is he switching? He's doing it so he can get re-elected stand on principles because he is a worthless dung-heap such a stand up guy! From the Communist News Network:

"'As the Republican Party has moved farther and farther to the right, I have found myself increasingly at odds with the Republican philosophy and more in line with the philosophy of the Democratic Party,' Specter said"

Hey, Specter, have you ever heard of optical illusions? I think that's what's happening here. Allow me to clear up your confusion. See, you've been travelling left at nearly the speed of light (299792458 meters per second) so it looks like the GOP has been going right, when in fact they've been moving left too, just a lot slower.

In the end, though, you have to give him credit for standing on his values. That's what is really important here. To demonstrate this, let's check out an interview he gave just a few weeks ago on March 17th to The Hill.

"[He said] that the role of the Republican Party in Washington is too vital for him to switch to the Democratic side. 'I’m staying a Republican because I think I have a more important role to play there,' he said. 'I think the United States very desperately needs a two-party system. … And I’m afraid that we’re becoming a one-party system, with Republicans becoming just a regional party.'

'I think each of the 41 Republican senators, in a sense — and I don’t want to overstate this — is a national asset,' he said, 'because if one was gone, you’d only have 40, the Democrats would have 60, and they would control all of the mechanisms of government.'"

There you have it. A man of principle, honor, and integrity. Farewell, you worthless RINO! Now if only we can convince Senators Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe of Maine to do the same...

Friday, April 24, 2009

Obama Approval Rating: 11%

Our friend in the White House is surely feeling pretty good right about now. Just Another Capitalist moved him up 7 points in just one week. Things are turning around! Let's see how he springboards off his major gains...

#1: Chavez and Obama, Totally BFF! What do you do when you meet an openly socialist dictator benevolent leader who is extraordinarily anti-America during the Latin America Summit? Call him out on his oppression of his people, you say? Chastise him for any one of a plethora of statements he has made about your country, you say? Maybe just give him the cold shoulder? Perhaps you simply make a stern stand for liberty, justice, and the American way?

You right wing hatemonger! You don't do those things. You shake his hand, pat him on the back, and then accept his gift of a book of truth. That book, titled "The Open Veins of Latin America" is written by a a Uruguayan journalist named Eduardo Galeano. The subject?

"How Europe, and later the United States, plundered Latin America's resources and helped create a perpetual state of widespread poverty and wealth disparity. From the obliteration of indigenous people by Spanish conquistadors to the destructive cycles of foreign debt, investment and capitalism, Galeano lays out the Latin American saga from 1492 to the 20th century."

Just a little light reading. Really, this is disgraceful. I can forgive the President for accepting the book in the first place, perhaps, if he didn't know the subject matter. I don't expect him to have an encyclopedic knowledge of every published work. What I do expect from him is to discard it, publicly, once he finds out what it is about. How can our President accept with a grin a book that trashes America and the West and blames us for every problem of Central America? For cuddling up to yet another dictator, he loses 3%.

#2: Yeah, the no prosecution thing is SO last week! "So, like, when I said that there wouldn't be any prosecutions on the whole waterboarding thing, what I meant was there totally were going to be." This according to the Guardian who reports "Senior members of the Bush administration who approved the use of waterboarding and other harsh interrogation measures could face prosecution, President Obama disclosed today" and that the practice reflected America "losing our moral bearings".

For those of you who are living comfortably under a rock (I didn't know you could get internet access there!), here's an explanation of what waterboarding is:

"Water boarding as it is currently described involves strapping a person to an inclined board, with his feet raised and his head lowered. The interrogators bind the person's arms and legs so he can't move at all, and they cover his face. In some descriptions, the person is gagged, and some sort of cloth covers his nose and mouth; in others, his face is wrapped in cellophane. The interrogator then repeatedly pours water onto the person's face. Depending on the exact setup, the water may or may not actually get into the person's mouth and nose; but the physical experience of being underneath a wave of water seems to be secondary to the psychological experience. The person's mind believes he is drowning, and his gag reflex kicks in as if he were choking on all that water falling on his face."

I personally don't consider this to be torture. It is terrifying, but the fact remains it is all in the person's head. They are not actually drowning. I put this in the same place I put sleep deprivation, loud music or babies crying, and other psychological techniques. But I digress.

Just last week the President got kudos from me for not prosecuting those who carried out their duties. I can disagree with him on the policy, but I can respect the restraint and the desire to move forward. What I cannot believe is that he is still able to walk after making such an abrupt about face. We're not talking about people authorizing public executions, or dismemberment. This is a grey area, and officials made a judgement call. To go back and play Monday morning quarterback is not only wrong, it damages the ability of officials to make similar calls later on. The "play it safe" mentality is one we cannot always afford to have.

Not to mention the fact that members of Congress knew that the technique was being used at the time and said nothing (whether Obama is included in this group is unclear). Should they be prosecuted as well? How many people are we going to hang?

In his defense, he still says that the actual operatives will not be prosecuted, presumably because they were just following orders. This is certainly better than nothing, but still leaves me wanting.

Rather than wasting time tracking down each and every person who knew this was happening and did nothing about it, why don't we just get along with our plan from last week. You know, simply outlawing it, thereby emboldening our enemies, threatening our national security, and showing the world that we're going to play nice. The administration loses 3% for flopping around harder than a newly caught bass.

#3: You dirty, no good, right-wing extremist veterans! I debated with myself about putting this here. After all, Obama himself didn't say anything about the report. I eventually decided to include it at the end because it was the action of his administration, for which he is responsible. As usual, I don't expect him to be superhuman and know what every department is doing at every moment. He is kinda busy, leader of the free world and all. Still, this is kind of a big deal. I went over the DHS report in detail here. It does deserve note that Napolitano has since apologized for implying that veterans were a threat to national security.

As for the rest of you anti-abortion, gun clinging, small government whackjobs who were lumped in the report: We've got our eyes on you.

The administration loses 5% for equating me and mine with neo-Nazis. They gain 1% for apologizing for it after the fact. Net loss: 4%

So, the tally for today is a downward shift of 10 points, leaving the President at 11%. Drive on, Mr. President, don't you let go of that second digit for nobody!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Don't look back: Report says unemployment not to exceed 8.5%

According to the Department of Labor, unemployment has reached approximately 8.5% as of March. I think some kudos are in order, because this rate was predicted correctly by a report from the office of then President-elect Obama. You can read this work in its entirety here. This is the paper that spawned the statistic of 3 million jobs created. You may have heard that figure one, maybe two bajillion times. If you scroll down a bit, you get to this graph:


Sure enough, you see that light blue line there? It predicts this level of unemployment, sure enough. If only we had passed that stimulus package...Well, yes, it says we wouldn't reach this rate until early 2010, but still! You have you agree that...What's that? We did pass the stimulus package?!

I got this piece from Stu's Blog. He points out the following:

"1) By their own estimation, the stimulus isn’t working as planned: The administration’s own estimates said that if the stimulus would pass, the unemployment rate would never rise above 8%. Its peak would be around 7.9% around the end of the year. Well…It’s at 8.5% already, and most economists seem to it’s getting worse before it gets better.

2) By their own estimation, the stimulus might be making things worse: The administration’s report showed that the unemployment rate would be about 8.1% right now if we had done NOTHING. So, it’s either that the stimulus plan is actually making things worse, or the economy is significantly worse than they thought. Which brings me to #3 …

3) What does this do to their estimates?: If their economic prognosis was this far off, this soon, what does this do to their deficit estimates 6 or 8 years out? They already were very ugly, but doesn’t this make them far worse?"

Stu's points are valid. The paper also goes out of its way to point out how uncertain it is, due to the volatile nature of its subject. They never really publicized that part, did they?

I have one more observation that I think is possibly more important than the other three: The two lines (with and without stimulus) merge again in 2014. That means they admit, by their own numbers, that the economy will in fact recover all on its own without one ounce of government help.

They claim that it will take longer, and it will be more severe. I argue that those points may be true, but that recessions are to the economy what controlled burns are to a forest. Imagine if, during a controlled burn, the local FD (AKA The government) panicked and kept putting it out because it was killing plants and damaging trees. The choking undergrowth (AKA failing businesses) would never be cleared away. Eventually, you wouldn't be able to put out the fire anymore. That's when you'd have a blazing inferno (AKA Bad News Bears).

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The good news: Budget cuts are coming!

The bad news: Not really.

At his first official meeting with his cabinet, President Obama laid down the law. Not wanting to waste one second of precious tax-payer funded time, he gave them this ultimatum: Cut $100 million off of their collective budgets.

That's right. Million. With a capital "M" for Money! Well, I guess there wasn't anything to worry about after all. Yes sir, we're out of the woods now. All of us tea party patriots can just put down our signs and rest easy knowing that President Obama is wasting no effort in safeguarding our money.

Are you serious? According to the WaPo, the president "acknowledged that the goal amounts to a drop in the bucket". No, Mr. President. Drop in a bucket doesn't even begin to cover it. In the three months you have been in office, Congress has passed your $3.5 Trillion (that's with a capital "T', for Tremendous) budget, which doesn't even include the hundreds of Billions of dollars you have pushed through congress.

An economist by the name of Greg Mankiw put it in easy layman's terms on his blog (Thanks to Maelyn for sending this to me).

"Just to be clear: $100 million represents .003 percent of $3.5 trillion.

To put those numbers in perspective, imagine that the head of a household with annual spending of $100,000 called everyone in the family together to deal with a $34,000 budget shortfall. How much would he or she announce that spending had to be cut? By $3 over the course of the year--approximately the cost of one latte at Starbucks. The other $33,997? We can put that on the family credit card and worry about it next year."

Do not get me wrong: Any cut in monstrosity that is the Federal budget is still moving in the right direction. The problem is that they are using this cut as some sort of smoke-and-mirror game, to try to fool you into thinking that they are trimming back just like you and me. That somehow the fact that our debt is fast approaching our GDP doesn't matter, because they are making cuts too.

To try and pull a stunt like this is shameful, and it insults the intelligence of the American people. If your cuts turn into something substantial, Mr. President, then come and tell me. Till then, keep the dog and pony show to yourself.

P.S. If you stopped spending my money like it's going out of style, that would probably help too. I'm just saying.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Obama Rating: 21%

My apologies for the late post. Drill weekend pushed this back a few days. However, I did have plenty of time where less than half of my brain was engaged to think of what our fearless leader has accomplished. So, without further ado...

#1: Three pirates with severe lead poisoning...First, the major credit goes to the crazy awesome Navy SEAL snipers who took the shots against said pirates, in the rescue of Captain Richard Philips. From a moving platform, to a moving platform, simultaneously with no missed shots. Three shots, three kills. Outstanding. The commander of the USS Bainbridge saw that the Captain was in "imminent danger" when one of the pirates pointed an AK-47 at his back and ordered the shoot.

Personally, I believe that the only terms we should allow in "talks" with hostage takers is the hostage taker's life, like the Israeli's do. You release the hostages immediately, you live. You don't, you die. If, for any reason, our man is hurt in any way, we will kill you. We then sink your ship and sink your mother ship. We then find your flyspeck port. We tell everyone inside that because of your actions, they have one hour to vacate the premises. We then burn the place to the ground. I'm not for playing around with these punks.

Back to the story. According to the AP, Obama twice authorized the use of lethal force against the captors. I've not been able to determine exactly how the decision was made, what were the parameters set, etc. What is for certain is that, despite the risk, lethal force was authorized by the President. If things had gone poorly, I'd still praise him, but he would have gotten flak for it. As it is, he put his neck out, he deserves the credit. He gains 4% for be willing to speak in the only language we share with these barbarians: Firepower.

(As an aside, the Reverend Sharpton prefers the term "Volunteer Coast Guard" for these despicable scumbags. Brilliant. Hear the audio here.)

#2: Waterboarders will not be prosecuted...According to a statement released with a set of memos describing waterboarding, the administration said that "it is our intention to assure those who carried out their duties relying in good faith upon legal advice from the Department of Justice, that they will not be subject to prosecution" (though no mention of policymakers was made, so presumably they are still fair game). Chief of Staff Emanuel further said that the President believes that they "should not be prosecuted either and that's not the place that we go."

Whether or not you agree with the morality of using the technique it is difficult to fault the agents who were following orders. They used methods that were authorized at the time, and did so in good faith. To do otherwise would be akin to prosecuting soldiers who used flamethrowers on the Nazis at D-Day, because it is not considered to be inhumane. In both counts I think outlawing the technique was wrong, but either way you cannot fault the Joes who executed the order.

For showing a little legal restraint and respect for the foot soldiers of intel, he gains 3%.

#3: Assault weapon are here to stay, but I don't have to like it. I've gone over my beliefs on the assault weapon ban here. Click the link if you want to be enlightened. For the rest of you, I'll sum it up: Gun control doesn't work, assault weapons are cool, and I'd like one for Christmas.

In a new statement the President has said that he has not backed "off at all from my belief that the assault weapons ban made sense...Having said that, none of us are under any illusion that reinstating that ban would be easy." Allow me to translate here: Yes, I'd like to take your guns, but I know I can't do it...Yet.

This is disturbing to me, and shouldn't be taken as good news. He has publicly proclaimed his opposition to you and I owning assault rifles. The only reason he isn't trying to take them away is because he doesn't think he could do it. The gun-rights lobby is very powerful, and many Americans don't take kindly to the government disarming them.

So, he gains points for not attempting to actually go through with a ban. He also loses points for doing so wistfully. This leaves him with a net impact of 0%.

Totalling up the scores, all this puts him up 7 points to 21%! Excellent week for the POTUS. Can he keep it up, or is this simply a bear rally?

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

My Cupid Politics test...

Yep, still a Capitalist. Imagine that.

You are a

Social Moderate
(50% permissive)

and an...

Economic Conservative
(90% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Capitalist




Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid.com: Free Online Dating
Also : The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

You too can be a rightwing extremist!

It's really easy. Just check out the pdf file here, and the Washington Times article about it. Take heed of the report and check yourself. Are YOU a militia member?

Are you:

A returning veteran?
Stockpiling ammo or weapons in anticipation of government outlawing/taxing these items?

Do you have concerns about:

Government infringing on your right to bear arms?
The rise of nations not friendly to ourselves?
Illegal immigrants taking resources from Americans, including jobs?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, the Department of Homeland Security will be arriving at your door any minute now...Yes, that's them. In the car. Across the street. No, don't look! You don't want to tip them off...

Seriously, what this report does is manage to call half the country radical extremists while simultaneously linking veterans with neo-Nazis, 2nd Amendment support with "criminal activities and violence", and opposition to illegal immigration to hate crimes against hispanics. It does all that without the use of a single fact, figure, illustration, or any other evidence to back up any claim it gives. Fantastic! Really smashing.

Mayor elections, results in

In the town of Manitowoc the final results for the mayoral elections are in. The winner? Justin Nickels, by a 15 vote margin. He has an impressive resume: The 22 year old has been handling money for years now, a skill vital to any mayor. Of course, he was handling said cash at his grocery register...But still! It is valuable.

The result may seem a little surprising until you look at his competition. Dave Soeldner is 39 years young civil engineer who holds a paltry masters degree from some no-name college called the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (or MIT). Sounds like one of those degree by mail places.

The lunacy doesn't stop there. Checking out his website, you can see him supporting radical views like "Elected officials work for the people, not the other way around" and "City government cannot create wealth". Pure crazy.

Once again...

Somalians attack an American ship. This time they weren't able to board, thanks to our Navy being on the spot. The crew barricaded themselves in the engine room and no one was hurt.

More than anything, this shows that apparently three dead pirates wasn't enough of a message to keep them away from our citizens. Fine, I say. If they want a fight, let's give them one.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

What's better than 3 dead pirates?

Why, dozens of dead pirates and some flattened villages! According to this article "The U.S. military is considering attacks on pirate bases on land and aid for the Somali people to help stem ship hijackings off Africa’s east coast." The plans are to be presented to the Obama administration when completed. Here's hoping they're approved. Of course, we aren't looking for a broad military engagement. We have plenty of those on our plate as it is. Surgical strikes are a different matter, especially since prominent pirates in the area have "vowed revenge" for their dead mates. It's time to show them that they better start walking small, or invest in pine boxes.

The daring rescue of Richard Philips was executed by the Silent Professionals, the Navy SEALS. According to the Washington Post, "Vice Adm. William E. Gortney, commander of the Fifth Fleet, explained that Obama issued a standing order that the military was to act if the captain's life was in immediate danger. "Our authorities came directly from the president,"" If this is true, and I have no reason to believe it isn't, it scores major points for the administration. In my personal opinion, it would have been better to follow the Israeli pattern of hostage negotiation. Their style: The only offer on the table is the hostage-takers life. You free the hostage, you live. You don't, you die. First and final offer. Kinda deters future hostage takers.

Still, the fact that he was willing to put this on the line shows some courage. If things had gone badly, he would have presumably shouldered the responsibility for it. As it is, he deserves the praise. Good on ya, magic O.

Lego Jesus



Friday, April 10, 2009

Obama Rating: 14%

Once again, this time on time, I present to you my own personal rating for el Presidente. It has been a rocky week for our Great Leader, but let's see if he can put together another two week rally. First up...

#1: The great "America Sucks, I should know, I'm president!" tour: The president has spent the last few weeks going around the world, making sure everyone knows that America sucks. It's an important job. Of course, the rest of the world has been saying that for a while, so it shouldn't be news to them. According to our President (addressing a crowd in Strasbourg):

"Instead of celebrating your dynamic union and seeking to partner with you to meet common challenges, there have been times where America has shown arrogance and been dismissive, even derisive.”

You know, you guys were right all along. We ARE arrogant! We ARE nosy and interfering. The most astounding thing about this is that he said these things (and has said many other similar comments) on foreign soil. He's the President for goodness sakes. It'd be like Bill Gates trotting over to Apple and saying how mean and terrible Microsoft is. They just don't do that. If anyone ought to be pro-America, you'd think it would be our President.

Then again, I might be mistaken about the role of the President. After all, he apparently owes fealty to the muslim King of Saudi Arabia. I'm talking of course of the full waist bow he gave to King Abdullah at the G20 summit in London. No American needs to bow to royalty. We don't recognize them. It is part of being American, that we do not submit to monarchs. Of course, the Drive-bys and the White house are busy saying he didn't bow after all. He was...Picking up trash! That's it! No, no, he's just so gosh darned tall! Lies, all lies! See for yourself:



Huh...Looks like a bow to me. He loses 3% for "playing janitor" and trashing his own nation.

#2: Just because you do something silly like die doesn't mean we still don't get your money! (Kudos to Kris for giving me this one) Obama's budget resurrects the death tax faster than a level 18 Cleric of Lathander. The taxes were set to be eliminated this year, thanks to President Dubya. Obama put a stop to THAT nonsense though. Now they will remain at the low low rate of 45%! What a deal. Of course,

"Democrats contend that keeping the tax rate at 45 percent in 2010 is still a break from the 55 percent and insist the federal coffers would take too much of a hit if Congress completely repealed the tax."

Gee, thanks. You're so generous, ONLY taking 45% of our money. Now, it is true that this tax only affects estates "valued over $3.5 million dollars or $7 million for a couple." Opponents argue it catches small businesses and farmers, as well as the wealthy. I argue that it's their money, which they are leaving to their children. More importantly, it has already been taxed. That money was taxed when they received it. To quote the Seinfeld episode: You can't double dip the chip. Obama loses 4% for reaching into our pockets with both hands.

Another rough week. These two together drop him to 14%. But hey, look on the bright side. At least he's still in double digits!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Somali pirates seize Americans

Somali pirates attacked and seized a Danish owned, US flagged cargo ship off the coast of Mogadishu. From the Reuter's report:

"Andrew Mwangura, coordinator of the Mombasa-based East African Seafarers' Assistance Program, told Reuters the 17,000 ton Maersk Alabama had been seized off Mogadishu far out in the Indian Ocean, but all its crew were believed to be unharmed."

The crew they refer to consists of 20 American citizens.

"A spokesman for the U.N.'s World Food Program (WFP) in Nairobi told Reuters that among the vessel's cargo were 232 containers of WFP relief food destined for Somalia and Uganda."

That's classy. Regardless, what the ship was holding is irrelevant. When these pirates began acting up, I said then that we ought to act. The French and Indians were taking all the bad ass points away from us, fighting piracy on the high seas. We have done a little bit. In this article on Military.com, we helped out the Germans in chasing down some other pirates in the area. Still, as Europe is fond of reminding us, we aren't the World Police.

Now it is personal. They've seen a vessel, operated by our citizens, flying our flag, and yet they dared to attack it. It's one thing to ignore a problem when our citizens aren't involved. For us to ignore it now would show a lack of credibility and the ability to project our military force to protect our citizens (in layman's terms, it would show the US Gov't, and the Navy in particular, have completely lost their cajones).

Here's what we need to do:

1) Send in our Secret Squirrel teams to save our citizens. I know we have them. You know we have them. We're paying for them, let's use them!

2) Find out how much replacing the ship would cost. Something tells me it wouldn't be too much, and it would be worth every cent in street cred. Why, you ask? Because the next step is...

3) Blow the ship to Kingdom Come. I mean annihilate it. Remove it from the face of the Earth. Completely obliterate it and everything on it. No living thing, not even a bloody ship rat, should be left in one piece. Send a clear message: Do NOT mess with us.

We're letting this guy push us around. Seriously?
UPDATE: Score one for the Americans. The crew has reportedly overpowered their captors, throwing three pirates overboard and taking another captive. Hells yeah!
FINAL(?) UPDATE: The negotiations ended the way they should have ended: With three dead pirates, and the fourth in our possession. They say they will retaliate against us. My response? We show them exactly what retaliation means.

The craziest person on the internet...

Turns out it's Roseanne Barr. Check out this blog she wrote on Glenn Beck. My favorite paragraph:

"Vampires cannot tolerate to see the CROSS OF CHRIST!YOUR CHURCH PROTECTS PEDOPHILES AND CHRIST WILL NOT ALLOW THAT ANY LONGER! CHRIST WILL SPEAK OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF THE MANY MANY VICTIMS YOUR KIND CREATES AND PROTECTS. THIS IS NO JOKE, VAMPIRE POLYGYMIST WOMAN HATER, PEDOPHILE ENABLER!!!"

*pulls out crucifix and holy water* The power of Christ compels you! Seriously, this lady is crazy.

Which leads me to a case study by Dan O'Brien. Read it. I laughed so hard I cried.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Overdue Obama Rating: 21%

I promised week before last to do these posts on Fridays. Apparently I lied. Actually, I was in DC most of the day on Friday. So, here's the belated ratings.

#1: Ultra-CEO Obama fires GM CEO: That's right folks. As I described in detail in another blog, the federal government has now moved into the Human Resources department and has actually fired the CEO of GM...Can they even do that? I mean, they obviously did, I'm just saying. Geithner has also said he has no problems firing other CEOs too. It's not just CEOs either. They also will play a "significant role" in choosing the new Board of Directors. It's not all bad though. Freddie and Fannie were managed by the government, and look how well that turned out! We've got nothing to worry about. They lose 7% for giving out the pink slip.

#2: Making an offer they can't refuse: Around the same time Obama was violating the rights of private citizens making sound employment decisions for GM, he also had a meeting with a variety of banking execs who had taken TARP funds. Remember the TARP? That bill that was like $800 billion, and we thought that was a big deal? *laugh* Yeah, those were the good ol' days.

Anyhow, the CEOs tried to explain to the President why they pay their employees so much (possibly because of bonus concerns, like the ones paid to AIG execs). Obama responded by saying "Be careful how you make those statements, gentlemen. The public isn’t buying that...My administration is the only thing between you and the pitchforks.” *Cues the Godfather Music*

The banking execs (specifically JP Morgan’s Dimon) then expressed their desire to repay the TARP funds as soon as possible, and "asked the president to streamline the process."

Lovely! They want to pay the government back. Obama of course graciously accepted rejected their offer immediately, saying "This is like a patient who’s on antibiotics. Maybe the patient starts feeling better after a couple of days, but you don’t stop taking the medicine until you’ve finished the bottle."

From the Politico article: "Several CEOs disagreed, arguing instead that returning TARP money was their patriotic duty, that they didn’t need it anymore, and that publicity surrounding the return would send a positive signal of confidence to the markets."

No dice. Allow me to paraphrase the article for you:

Bank Exec: "Thanks for the loan, Mr. President. We'd like to repay you now."
Ultra-CEO Obama: "Nope. You'll take my money and you'll like it."
Bank Exec: "But Mr. President, I really think we ought to --"
*BANG* *Body hits floor, Secret Service drags it away*
Ultra-CEO Obama: "Anyone else got objections?"

Obama loses 7% for refusing to loosen the talons.

#3: This just in from our flying pig squad: A nuclear free world! In Prague President Obama declared that he had a "vision for a world free of nuclear weapons, vowing to involve all states with atomic weapons in the process of reducing arsenals." From ABC News:

Mr Obama pledged that the US would lead the quest, and denounced "fatalism" over nuclear weapons proliferation.

"As the only nuclear power to have used a nuclear weapon, the United States has a moral responsibility to act," he said. "We cannot succeed in this endeavour alone, but we can lead it."

"So today, I state clearly and with conviction America's commitment and desire to seek the peace and security of a world without nuclear weapons."

"I am not naive this goal will not be reached quickly, perhaps not in my lifetime."

Let us step into the Way Back Machine, back to when my rating of the magic O was 85%. I wrote a blog then when he spoke to Russia. He was a little less firm about it then, but he did say he wanted a world free of nukes. I will now narcissistically use myself a source. I had this to say:

"Instead, Obama has the lofty goal of removing nuclear weapons from the face of the planet. I have the lofty goal of stopping time like Hiro. Both of our goals have approximately the same chance of success.

Let's have a pop quiz: Better weapon leads to
A) Defense against such weapon, rendering it obsolete
B) Even better weapon, rendering the first obsolete.
C) Everyone deciding to get along, destroying said weapon, and cooking s'mores while singing Kumbaya.

If you answered A or B, congratulations. If you answered C, please remove yourself from the gene pool.

Never, in the history of humans killing humans, has the knowledge of a weapon simply disappeared because people wished it to. Once it is digested into general knowledge, you can't get rid of it. We just love killing each other too much."

Wow! Good job, self! You really hit the nail on the head!

Obama loses 2% for removing any doubt that he has no concept of human history.

Busy week for our man. Tally up the scores, and that puts him at 21%. *sigh* And he was doing so well.